the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
