i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
