Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
