do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
