is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
