I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
