I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
