i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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