5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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