You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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