You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
