i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
