Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
