I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
