Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
