Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Blood and glitter go together right?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
