You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
