man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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