I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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