we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
