This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
