I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
