cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
