youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
