Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
