I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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