8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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