I'm really into asian looking animals
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
