allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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