I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
