remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
