bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
that's an acceptable place to lick
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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