And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
