I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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