Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
