remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
