Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
