she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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