Barsexuality is the new black.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
