4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Randomize
