I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
