the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Houston, we have a blender
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
