I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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