guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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