Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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