do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
