I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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