I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
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