I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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