she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
