I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
