ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
