I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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