Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
